Sunday, January 15, 2017

Worth the Wait: Archer's Birth Story

Archer Wilden Brigle
Nov. 11, 2016
7 lbs., 10 oz.
21 inches long

Archer's delivery only lasted a few (intense) minutes, but the tumultuous story of his arrival started several weeks prior. My pregnancy lasted FOREVER (or at least it felt that way) and, even though I knew he could be late, I was on pins and needles looking for ANY signs of labor as each day passed by. 

Oct. 31 - 40 weeks 
Despite my best efforts to kickstart labor over the weekend, I was still pregnant on my due date -Halloween. This was good news for Kenlee because even though we had already participated in our local trick or treat on Saturday, I was willing to go out walking again so she could trick or treat a second time with her cousins (who live in another town). 

Nov. 2 
My 40-week appointment was on a Wednesday afternoon. I was nervous/excited because I decided I would finally get my cervix checked and see what kind of progress I was making. Even though I'd had no other signs of labor at this point, I hoped maybe I would be dilated at least a couple centimeters ...

Well, my communist cervix (Kyle calls it Cervi the cervix) had other plans. It was locked up tighter than Fort Knox ... and the baby was so high I thought the OB was mining for gold trying to reach up in there. #OUCH! 

I stayed for a growth ultrasound to be sure Archer was looking good ... and thankfully, he was. He was perfectly healthy AND perfectly content to stay in my uterus a while longer. I was instructed to come back in a few days for another check and ultrasound. "But you could still go into labor before then," the OB said, not convincingly. "I've seen women go from not dilated to giving birth very quickly." 

I held onto that thought over the next few days. I tried EVERYTHING possible to induce labor naturally (except castor oil because that's dangerous and gross) ... but I only got a handful of contractions and a boatload of disappointment. 

I started to hibernate so I wouldn't have to see or talk to anyone. Everyone and their brother had suggestions and/or opinions on what I should do ... there were also lots of well-meaning people "checking in" on me, but I didn't need checking, I NEEDED TO GET THIS BABY OUT, DAMMIT. I apologize if you were a victim of my hormonal outbursts at this point ... I was sitting on the edge of insanity. 

Nov. 7 - 41 weeks 
My appointment started with another ultrasound - a biophysical profile - to check Archer again and make sure he and my uterus were looking good. Yep. They were fine. I passed with flying colors. 

When I met the midwife after, she checked my cervix again. BUT, like the OB the week before, she had to reach pretty high ... and she also declared I was still NOT dilated. NOT AT ALL. 

This is where shit got ugly. U-G-L-Y. 

I broke down crying and sobbing on the midwife. Thankfully, she was empathetic. I had hoped and prayed for a VBAC and knew I needed to go into labor on my own for my best chance of success. Why couldn't my body cooperate?! 

At this point, the midwife explained my options:

  1. Wait it out. As long as baby and I were healthy, I could come in for non-stress tests every other day until labor started naturally. "I've seen patients go to nearly 44 weeks without a problem!" the midwife said. I know she was trying to be encouraging but there was NO WAY IN HELL I was waiting that long. And even with monitoring, there are many risks to mother and baby after 42 weeks. I wasn't willing to take those chances. 
  2. Try an induction. "There is a chance it could work," the midwife said ... But the chances were slim. Even if I wanted an induction (which I didn't since Kenlee's was such an awful experience), the only option was to give me pitocin and hope for the best. Suppositories to soften the cervix are not allowed for VBACs due to increased chance of uterine rupture. And, with literally zero dilation, it wasn't possible to sweep my membranes or insert a catheter. They could hook me up to the pitocin for 12 hours and see what happened ... but if nothing happened I would still end up with option 3, which was ...
  3. Another c-section. The last thing I wanted but still the most appealing option I had. It was nice that my OB practice was willing to do anything to help me avoid a c-section ... but they were also completely supportive if I wanted to take that option and be done. 

After lots of discussion with the midwife and my husband, I settled on option 3. But I wanted to wait until the end of the week, just in case Archer decided to come out on his own. We booked the surgery for Friday and hoped for a miracle before then ... 

Nov. 11 - The Big Day
After I booked my c-section, I felt a sense of peace knowing there was an end in sight. There was a definite plan and I could stop wondering when I would meet my baby. Still, I shed a lot of tears in the days before surgery. I kept holding out for any signs of labor, but nothing was happening and I was sad that my VBAC hopes were dashed. I was disappointed in my body. And I was scared of having major surgery again. But, I knew I couldn't take the physical/emotional toll of pregnancy any longer. 

The night before we went to the hospital, I barely slept. Kyle tried his best to comfort me as I randomly burst into tears. We didn't need the alarm when we got up at 3:30 a.m. (to leave by 4:30) ... after I showered and packed my bag, I went upstairs and kissed Kenlee goodbye. Then I came downstairs and had one last ugly cry. This was it. It was time to be done. 

When we arrived at the hospital at 5:30 a.m., I was oddly calm. For being a naturally anxious person, I was surprised at how relaxed I felt as we checked in. Kyle and I were escorted to a room in labor and delivery, where the nurses swiftly started all the pre-op procedures and paperwork. Then my doctor came in and said the words I needed to hear: "I think you made the right decision."

At that point, I wasn't changing my mind, but it was good to be validated once more. The doctor's words gave me even more confidence and comfort as I walked down the hall to the OR. 

Kyle waited in the hallway while I went in to get my spinal. The nurse held my hand as the anesthesiologist poked around in my back ... definitely NOT the best feeling in the world, but once it was done I felt the warm tingles in my feet and knew the worst was over ... or so I thought. 

Once I was laid on my back, the surgical team started moving all around me, getting the tools and curtains into place. I remember thinking it would be nice if someone would talk to me while I was laying there waiting ... all I could do was sit there and stare at the ceiling, half naked and exposed ...

The next thing I knew, I wasn't staring at the ceiling anymore. I was looking at at least five people huddled around me, asking me to talk to them and move my arms. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I said, woozily. "Did I fall asleep?" Nope. Apparently, I was completely unresponsive for a couple of minutes. My eyes were open but I wasn't talking or moving, and my blood pressure dipped dangerously low. My breathing was also shallow, and they were about to place a mask on my face to force oxygen into my lungs. Luckily, that's when I woke up. 

I found out later that my spinal was either too strong or placed too high, therefore my chest was going numb, making it hard for me to breathe. 

From that point on, everyone in the room started moving a lot faster than before. My OB checked Archer's heart rate and was concerned. They wanted him out. Like, NOW. Before they could even bring Kyle in the room, she had already made the first incision. 

I could sense the panic in the room, which made me panic, too. Was I OK? Was my baby OK? Why were my arms so tingly? Was I going to pass out again? 

I did my best to focus on staying awake. I made Kyle talk to me and told the anesthesiologist whenever I felt woozy - she kept giving me medicine to keep my blood pressure up and also offered some medicine to calm me down. But I didn't want to feel drowsy and fall asleep - I was afraid I would pass out again or not remember my baby's birth.

Well, it was kinda hard to fall asleep or pass out with a nurse sitting on my chest ... Apparently, Archer really wanted to stay inside because they couldn't get his head out. They tried the vacuum several times, but it wouldn't stick to his head. So the doctor and nurse started pressing on my belly and chest, trying to force him down and out. I shit you not, even though I could not feel any pain, the pressure felt like a WWE wrestler was pile-driving me into a mat. Clearly, this did NOT help with my breathing difficulties ...

After what felt like forever, Kyle finally said, "I see his head!" The doctor managed to pull Archer the rest of the way out, and I heard Kyle say, "He's here!"

Of course, I cried. Mostly tears of relief. THANK THE LORD, I WAS NO LONGER PREGNANT! But my blood pressure was still low and I was seeing stars and still feeling faint as they stitched me up ... I kept taking to Kyle, making sure he could see Archer on the other side of the room. I guess they checked him over pretty thoroughly because he wasn't crying right away. But after a few minutes, they wrapped him up and handed him to Kyle, who got to hold him the entire time as the doctor put me back together.

The rest of my time in the OR is kinda a blur. At some point, I remember looking at Kyle and saying, "You are soooo getting cut after this." He quickly agreed! Even though we'd already decided two kids was our limit, this scary c-section sealed the deal. 

"Can you guys just do my vasectomy while we're in here?" he asked with a shaky laugh. He was joking, but I'm pretty sure he would have gone through with it right then and there if they offered.  

Eventually, they finished putting me back together and I was moved from the OR table to a bed. I was still shaking as they wheeled me to recovery, where I finally got the chance to hold my baby boy, who was eager to nurse right away. 

It was awkward at first, with all the heart monitor wires and IV tubes crisscrossed around my body. But as Archer and I laid skin to skin, I finally felt myself relax a little. The shaking slowed, and I let out a huge sigh of relief. 

He was here. He was OK. I was OK. And I finally knew that everything was going to be all right.

Later that day, after the shaking had worn off and a bit of color came back to my face, Kenlee came to meet her baby brother. She didn't say much at first, but the look on her face made my heart burst into a million pieces.

Our family was finally whole. Complete. Happy to be finally be all together. As every mother says, it was all completely worth it ... I just don't ever want to do it again. :)

Welcome to the world, baby boy. We're so glad you're finally here. 

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Dear Archer

Dear Archer,

It's almost time to meet you, so I thought I'd let you know a bit about the world you're about to enter. It might be warm in cozy in my belly right now, but trust me, you're going to want to come join us on the outside.

First of all, I think your daddy and I are pretty decent parents. You have your sister to thank for that ... we spent that last five and a half years with her as our crash-test dummy, trying to figure out what the heck we were supposed to be doing. We technically still have no idea if we're doing this parenting thing right, but since she turned out pretty awesome (and with just one broken bone so far), we're confident we haven't screwed it up too badly.

To be honest, your daddy and I weren't sure if Kenlee was going to be an only child ... But that's not to say you weren't wanted! Every time the subject would come up, we always knew we just weren't "done" yet. We always felt like someone was missing from our family. We knew that adding another child to our family wouldn't be easy, but we also knew that it felt right.

Speaking of Kenlee, she is soooooo excited to meet you. Before she found out you were growing in my belly, she asked us at least once a week if she would ever have a baby brother or sister. Now, she kisses my belly every day before I leave for work, and she likes to tickle my belly and tease you. Your kicks kind of freak her out sometimes, but overall, she's pretty psyched to play the big sister role. I think you'll love her ... at least until you're old enough to pick fights with her.

Your daddy is pretty much the best daddy ever. (And I'm not just saying that because he did the dishes for me yesterday.) He likes to laugh, play and go out on little adventures. But, he also likes to make sure everyone is well taken care of, which means he's never too busy or too tired when you need him. He sure has loved raising a little girl, but I know he's also excited to have a boy and share in those things only boys can understand.

As for me? Well, I'm not the most motherly mom out there. I don't do craft projects. I don't sew. I don't cook a lot (or very well), and I sure as heck don't keep up with housecleaning like I should. But, I do love our family (including you) more than anything in the world. (Also, I can be a pushover if you offer hugs and kisses - use that to your advantage.) I can't promise I won't ever get upset with you, but I can promise I will always be there for you. I can't wait to meet you and teach you about so many wonderful things in life.

Let me tell you, there are plenty of other people who can't wait to meet you. Our friends and family members are a pretty crazy bunch, but we like it that way - they keep life interesting.

So now, it's all up to you. Whenever you're ready, we're ready. See you soon, baby boy.


P.S. We're Cubs fans, and they actually made it to the World Series. You might wanna come out to watch this ... because it may never happen in your lifetime again.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Third Trimester FAQs (Or an attempt to keep from losing my shit on everyone)

It's official. The end of pregnancy is imminent, and the waiting game has begun. With three weeks left until my due date, he could technically arrive any time ... any time between now and two weeks AFTER my due date, that is.

I may have gotten a little cranky with people asking my about my pregnancy lately ... And posted this warning on Facebook:

"I pinky promise I will let the world know when the baby is born. Until then, every person who asks about the status of my uterus will go straight to the bottom of the contract list. Just try me." 

To appease some of you and prevent you from trying my patience any further, I decided to put together a list of frequently asked questions ...

When's your due date again? 
Oct. 31 - Halloween. I'd prefer if he came that day, but I realize the odds are against me. He'll come whenever he is ready!

Are you sure about the due date? You're looking like you'll go sooner than that ...
Without going into great medical and personal details, yes I am sure. And so is my doctor. Thanks for reminding me that I'm looking huge.

How big is baby now? Have you had an ultrasound to check? 
According to, he's as big as a Zach Morris phone. Ha! No, I haven't had an ultrasound because there's been no need. My belly measures right on track at every appointment, and there's been no medical indication for another ultrasound. Besides, those size estimates can be off by plus or minus 2 pounds. Kenlee weighed 7 lbs., 7 oz. at birth, and I expect another average size baby.

Are you dilated at all? 
If you really want to know about my cervix ... I have no idea. I have declined any internal exams for now because dilation won't mean much unless I think I'm in labor. I could be 4 cm today but stay that way for WEEKS. Or, I could be zero cm right now and go into labor tomorrow. I'd rather not get my hopes up or feel disappointed.

Any contractions? 
Not unless I need to poop ... Hey, you asked! Usually any pain/cramping/tightening is a result of something I ate and goes away quickly. So, no. No REAL contractions.

Are you ready? 
If you mean, "Do you finally have diapers in the house?" then yes. If you mean, "Ready to stop peeing every hour?" then DEFINITELY.

How long will you take off work? I get 12 weeks - not all of that is paid, and I will also be having knee surgery during that time. The knee surgery requires at least four weeks off work (read: crutches with no weight bearing), so for now the procedure is scheduled for six weeks after my due date (Dec. 13). We may or may not need to change the surgery date, depending on when I give birth. I should go back to work sometime in January.

Will Kyle get time off work? 
He'll take a week off after the baby is born, then another three weeks after my knee surgery. We are lucky he has a ton of sick time banked and can use it for FMLA. Because if you haven't already thought it out, crutches + newborn = insanity.

Gosh, you sure sound cranky! Are you sure you want to have a baby?
Well, there's no turning back now! Yes, I'm incredibly excited to have another baby ... I'm just not excited about all the aches, pains and annoyances that come with the end of pregnancy (including the barrage of questions). I am grateful and over-the-moon happy to have made it this far without any major complications, (aside from the knee thing ...) but, that doesn't make it easy. Please just be kind and understand that I'm doing my best to deal with a lot of my own anxiety right now ... You don't need to add to it!

Can I get you some ice cream? Tacos? Homemade salted caramel cheesecake? 
YES PLEASE! You are my new best friend, and you are now entitled to ask me all the annoying questions you want! :)

Saturday, September 3, 2016

It's Going to be OK (We Hope)

Since my last post, a lot has happened. At my 28-week check-up, I told my OB (Dr. S) about my frustration with my injury and he asked a simple question: "Why haven't you had an MRI?"

That's when everything shifted. You see, all the ortho staff told me there was NO WAY they would do an MRI while I was pregnant ... and I never questioned them. But, if anyone would know about the safety of medical procedures for pregnant women, it's an OB. And I trust mine wholeheartedly. 

So Dr. S said an MRI would be perfectly safe for me and baby, and he questioned why the orthopedic surgeon would make me wait in pain til the end of my pregnancy. I was given Dr. S's cellphone number with instructions have the ortho office call with any questions. Boo ya!

The next day, I was magically scheduled for an MRI. This was HUGE. You see, the ortho surgeon basically refused to do anything for me since he couldn't give me a definitive diagnosis ... but with an MRI, I would have answers and he would HAVE to do something, RIGHT? 

Well, no. The MRI showed a meniscus tear and cartilage damage. The ortho surgeon (or D. A. Hole as I now call him) said I definitely needed surgery, but there was no way he would do it while I was pregnant. And, oh yeah, the cartilage repair procedure (called micro-fracture) would require me to be on crutches for six weeks. 

"So I'll be on crutches for six weeks ... WITH A NEWBORN?!" I asked. 

"Yeah. It sucks but you'll have to find a way to make it work," he told me. Basically, TOUGH SHIT. I tried asking more questions about the procedure and recovery, but he brushed me off. He told me there wasn't any point in discussing it further because we had to wait until I wasn't pregnant anymore. He offered me a knee brace and cortisone shot to shut me up help with the pain. 

When the nurse came back in to go over everything, I asked if they had another doctor in the practice who would provide a second opinion. SHE LAUGHED AT ME. No, really. Then she basically told me I'd better accept the hand I was dealt and move on. "This is your best option," she said. 

"Ummm, you guys also told me I couldn't have an MRI, and that wasn't right," I said. 

"Well, if you don't trust us, maybe you shouldn't be here," she replied. 

She was right. So with that, I left their office (in tears - I think I scared the woman at the checkout desk) and vowed to NEVER go back. 

So ... after talking to Dr. S again, I was referred to Dr. L (an ortho surgeon at a different practice) for a second opinion. Dr. S supported the idea of doing my surgery now, with a spinal block (same anesthesia as a c-section), so I could heal before birth. He apparently knows Dr. L really well, and Dr. L agreed to consider my case ... but offered no promises until he could meet with me. 

I had to wait a week and a half for an appointment with Dr. L, because apparently he is REALLY popular. Coworkers, friends, and nurses who work with my husband all sang his praises and told us I'd be in good hands with him. That was comforting, but it was still the longest week and a half of my life.

Well, Dr. L was worth the wait. Both he and his PA took time to thoroughly explain what was wrong with my knee and what could be done to fix it. More importantly, they took time to listen to our concerns and didn't brush us off when Kyle and I asked questions (I asked Kyle to come with me so he could hear all the medical jargon firsthand ... I suck at relaying what doctors tell me, plus I was sorta traumatized by the experience with Dr. A. Hole). 

In the end, Dr. L recommended a different cartilage repair called an OATS procedure. For younger patients like me, this repair will last longer AND it will only require four weeks on crutches instead of six. Unfortunately, he said I should still wait until after I give birth to have the surgery. (WOMP, WOMP, WOMP ...)

Because Dr. L was very thorough in his explanations and empathized with my situation, I was OK with waiting for surgery, but I was immediately concerned about getting on his surgical schedule at the end of the year, when a lot of other patients will be trying to get procedures done before insurance resets (as I said, he's REALLY popular). You see, Dr. A. Hole told me he'd "Do his best but no promises" to do the surgery this year because he wouldn't schedule anything until my baby was out. 

Dr. L was much more understanding. He said I should talk to my OB about my recommended recovery time after birth, then call ASAP to schedule my surgery in advance. I see Dr. S again in a few days, so I could have a surgery date by the end of next week. (Fingers crossed!)

Looking at the Positives

  • There's an end in sight. For weeks, I had no idea how long this injury would last and if/when I could get treatment. I finally feel confident about the answers I've been given, so I can start to look forward to a REAL recovery plan. 
  • I'm more motivated than ever to have a VBAC. I wanted to avoid ANY surgery this year ... but since that's not an option, I want to at least avoid a c-section.
  • I'll be taking up a new sport: swimming! The elliptical and bike both aggravate my knee right now, as does walking ... so I haven't exercised at all in a MONTH. But, I haven't tried swimming yet. It's highly recommended for knee injuries since there's no impact, so I'm in the process of upgrading my gym membership for pool access. I'm happy for the chance exercise and focus on something new for the next eight-ish weeks of pregnancy. Then I will have to see how my recovery goes, but ideally I'd like to turn my need for more low-impact exercise into an excuse to finally try a triathlon next year (maybe). 
  • Dr. L and his PA explained that my injury was NOT the result of one bad day of running, or even the last few years of running ... it takes a LONG time to build up to this kind of damage. My run on July 15 just brought everything to head, and it was "bound to happen eventually" with my history (you can read about all that here). So, I was right when I said my obesity was finally catching up to me - which kinda sucks, but makes me feel better because I can FINALLY stop feeling guilty/stupid about the day I felt the snap. 
  • I'm not crazy! I normally see my therapist once a month, but I had to reschedule our regular session when I had my MRI, which means the other day I had to catch her up on six weeks of emotional vomit. When I was telling her about Dr. A. Hole, she asked, "Wait, what's his name?" When I told her, she said. "He did my knee replacement! He has the WORST bedside manner ever. I'm so sorry!" OMG what a relief! Here I was thinking I may have been an overreacting, over-hormonal pregnant lady, but she agreed he has an awful attitude and doesn't like to explain anything to his patients. So I'm not crazy ... well, at least not about the situation with Dr. A. Hole. ;)
Accepting the Negatives 
I realize a knee injury isn't the end of the world. But, it's certainly rocked mine. I have plenty of issues with guilt and anxiety already (see monthly therapy comments above) so there's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself ... "You should be grateful it wasn't worse." "You should just focus on your pregnancy/baby." "That's what you get for all that running." "What kind of mother would consider anything that could be a risk to her child?!" 

Guess what ... none of those things takes away my physical and emotional pain. None of those things changes the fact that I miss running ... I miss being active ... I miss feeling good about myself. To top it all off, I have no idea if/when I'll get back to being the person I was before all this happened. (Though, I guess we can never really be the person we used to be ...) I'm finally on the path to treatment/recovery, but it's littered with a bunch of question marks along the way. 

So it's NOT the hormones, and it's NOT selfish. Sometimes, sucky things happen. And, it's OK to feel sucky about them. So when I feel sad about all this, I try to just accept the sadness. Realize it's normal. Realize it's a feeling and feelings are temporary. 

The rest of this year is going to be hard. Pregnancy will be hard. Birth will be hard. Knee surgery will be hard. And then, I suspect the recovery process for most of 2017 will be hard. 

BUT, it's going to be OK. (Fans of "Scrubs" chime in: "We hope.") I guess that makes it all a little less hard to accept. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Old Wounds

They say time heals all wounds … But I think they can still haunt you for years. 

The girl with one knee brace ...

I can still vividly recall my first knee injury. It was during our volleyball team warm-ups where we ran around the court then dove head first into a team huddle on the floor. Except one day, for some reason, I didn’t quite dive. My left knee caught and bent inwards, and I instantly started howling and crying. I remember feeling both panicked and embarrassed as people helped me off the floor. My parents took me to the ER and, at the time, I sat in the backseat of the car thinking the pain was the worst thing I’d ever experienced ...  

There were more high school sports injuries after that – to both my right and left knees, during volleyball, basketball and softball. I can’t remember all the details for each, but I still know exactly where I was and how I felt in those moments. 

And, eventually, the girl with TWO knee braces. 

After high school, I stopped playing sports, but I didn’t stop damaging my knees. My weight ballooned through college, early marriage and my first pregnancy. I didn’t start taking my health seriously until Kenlee was nearly 2 years old. 

Battle Scars
When I first started running, I could feel my past in my bones. My knees creaked, crackled and sometimes shouted at me to stop. But I didn’t. And, amazingly, as I lost more weight and took the pressure/force off every step, my knees finally quieted down. 

Actually, aside from the occasional ache after a long run, my knees hadn’t bothered me at all for the last three years. I could still hear a crackling when I walked up the stairs, but it was only painful to my ears. 

The noise was like a battle scar I was proud of. You see, after all those years of visits to doctors, sports chiropractors and physical therapists, I was finally at peace with what they told me: “If you take some weight off those knees, they’ll feel a lot better.” 

As an overweight teenage girl, those words stung to my core. “They’re judging me. They don’t understand. They’re using my weight as an excuse,” I cried. 

And, maybe that was partly true. Fat-shaming and discrimination are real – I won’t deny it. But, after losing more than 100 pounds, the amazing difference I felt in my knees was also very real.  I can’t deny that, either. 

Please understand me here: I'm not saying all knee problems are caused by weight issues, or all knee problems can be solved by losing weight. It's just my personal experience.

Forget sunrises and scenic trails ... this is my normal view these days. 

With my most recent knee injury, it's clear the physical and mental wounds of my past have come back to bite me. Each health care provider I see comments on the crackling in my knees. “High school injuries,” I say, too embarrassed to explain my weight history, too … I know carrying around 284 pounds probably caused just as much damage as my athletic endeavors, but that story is even more embarrassing and painful. 

“But the crackling doesn’t bother me, I swear! That can’t be the problem. And I know I’m pregnant, but I’m still healthy! I HAVE to run. You just don’t understand …” 

Maybe it’s the raging hormones, maybe it’s deja vu … but I definitely feel like that vulnerable teenage girl all over again. 

Without an MRI or other imaging, we can’t know for sure what happened to my knee when I felt that snap three weeks ago. But, deep down, I know EXACTLY what’s wrong. The problem isn’t my meniscus, my weak hips or my loose joints. The problem is I can’t outrun who I used to be. I can’t keep denying my past. Because while I like to think I left obesity behind, its effects are going to be something I always carry with me. 

Moving On?
For now, recovery is a day-by-day effort. I seem to constantly take one step forward and two steps back. The healing process seems to be complicated by pregnancy (swelling, circulation and weight gain are factors), and it's unclear if I'll be able to get a definitive diagnosis/treatment plan until I give birth. Until then, I'll just keep fighting - my injury and my demons. 

Time heals all wounds, they say. So here's hoping the next 12 weeks of my pregnancy are all the time I need to heal this one. 

Red and swollen knee after a PT session ... It actually looks better than it did the day before. 

Monday, July 18, 2016

Snippets from the Second Trimester

It's a Boy! 
We've been girl parents for five years, so it took some time to get used to the idea of having a boy. The first thing we did was pick a name - we'd already settled on a girl's name, but were still throwing around ideas for a boy when we went to the ultrasound.

Once we knew it, we KNEW it. His name will be Archer Wilden. Yes, you can feel free to call him Archie. And Wilden is a combination of William and Dennis - our dads' names. <3

Archer is a healthy, squirmy little boy!

My goal for this delivery is to have what's called a VBAC - vaginal birth after a cesarean. With Kenlee, I NEEDED a c-section because my induction failed. I was trying to avoid an induction because I knew the increased changes of a c-section, but my blood pressure was sky high a few days before my due date, and my options were:
  1. Induce labor so we can try to get the baby out ... even though I wasn't the best candidate for an induction at that time
  2. Risk having a stroke from the high blood pressure ... and of course increase risk to the baby
The day I was induced for Kenlee - I'll never forget the doctor's scale said 284 pounds that day
Yeah, I went with option 1. After 39 hours of trying everything we could to get Kenlee out vaginally, we had to give up and go with surgery. Five years later, I think I'm finally OK with that. For a long time, I felt guilty because I knew the high blood pressure was a result of my obesity (that's not the case for every pregnancy, I know, but it was with mine). I couldn't change the past, but I could change my future. So a huge motivator in my weight loss was to have a healthier pregnancy for baby No. 2, and, hopefully, have a natural birth like I'd originally hoped. 

This time around, my doctors and midwives agree that I've given myself a great chance at a successful VBAC. My blood pressure looks great, my weight is apparently within range (though I personally feel like it's outta control ...), and I've remained active, which will hopefully help me have an easier labor and delivery. 

I'm seeing one of the best practices/hospitals in the area for VBAC, which makes me feel more confident about my ability to succeed. If you don't know, not all doctors and hospitals allow VBACs, despite medical evidence that they are extremely safe. We can debate the politics of insurance and lawsuits another day, however ... I'm just happy to have a choice in the matter. 

On the other hand, I'm also mentally prepared for the possibility of another c-section. Yes, I'm trying to avoid major surgery, but since I've already been-there-done-that, I at least know what to expect with the procedure and recovery. Like any parent, I just want a healthy baby, so in the end it doesn't matter to me how he's born. 

What DOES matter is knowing I'm giving my body the best chance do what I know it can do ... it's kinda like training for a race ... a marathon, actually! I'm putting in the work, but I know I won't be able to control what happens on race day. Until then, I can't give up. 

Why NOT?! 
Ever since I finished the Indy Mini, I felt like I wasn't done running half marathons for this pregnancy. No matter how many times I tried telling myself it would be insane to sign up for another. All of the local races are scheduled for September or October - did I REALLY think I would be able to run 13.1 miles in the third trimester?! No.

But then ... Then I had a few good long runs that made me feel confident. So I decided maybe I could handle a half marathon on Labor Day weekend (when I'll be 31 weeks). I marked it in my calendar and made myself a rough training plan, alternating my long runs with long sessions on the elliptical every other weekend. I told my husband and my BRF, but I didn't register ... I didn't want to be embarrassed if I couldn't pull it off.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I found ANOTHER race. This one was was three weeks earlier (28 weeks), on a weekend Kyle was off work. Three weeks may not seem like much, but in pregnancy, it can make a world of difference! I instantly knew this would be a much better option.

Kyle agreed. I quickly secured a sitter (my mom) to watch Kenlee so he could drive me to the race, which is about an hour and 20 minutes away. Before I registered, I did a double-check with him. "Am I insane? Do you think I'm being Ridiculous? Why do I even want to do this?" 

"Why NOT?!" he said, and I knew he was right. God, I love this man. He gets me.

If you're interested, it's Running Between the Vines Aug. 13 in Jackson, Michigan. Yeah ... at a vineyard. With free wine samples at the end. I obviously won't be partaking that day, but you bet your ass I'll be buying a bottle to save for after I give birth!

My view after a 5-mile run the other week. Notice the bump - and the new shoes!

Murphy + Hormones = Insanity
Of course, the same day I signed up for the race, I started to have knee/hip pain. REALLY?! Ugh. I instantly panicked. Dr. Google diagnosed me with IT band syndrome, which is common for runners AND for pregnant women in general. I may have freaked the eff out for a day or two, but with a little rest and stretching, it feels better already.

I think maybe, possibly, probably, my hormones had something to do with my panic. Yes, I need to be careful with my joints ... but I don't need to freak out ... Not yet.

I talked to one of my doctors at my regular check-up, and she agreed I could keep going, but I needed to be smart. She's not a runner but she understands my need to keep going, and of course she wants to see me stay active.

We looked at maternity support bands to help my hips, and she suggested I see my chiropractor next week if I didn't feel better. If THAT doesn't work, she can refer me to physical therapy.

You hear that, body?! Get your act together because I'm not done yet. Momma's got more miles to run.

NOTE: All of the above was written Thursday, July 14. Then I went running on Friday, July 15 ...

I can't get the sound of out my head ... It's the sound my kneed made in the middle of my run Friday. It's also the sound of my mind suddenly realizing I should have taken more time off to let my IT band heal ...

Kim took my key and ran back to get my car. I sat on a curb, pissed at myself for not taking another day on the elliptical ... After showering at the Y and hobbling through the office to pick up my laptop, I headed straight to the orthopedic walk-in clinic.

The PA I saw thought I may have torn my meniscus ... Or, may it was just a bad sprain. The only way to obtain a clear diagnosis is with an MRI, which I can't do while pregnant. He said it was too early to know how recovery would go - I could feel like running next week OR I could have problems with my knee locking and/or giving out, increasing my fall risk (which isn't good for baby).

So for now, we take a wait-and-see approach. I spent most of my weekend on the couch, strapped to a wonderful icing machine that my mother-in-law had from her knee replacement. On Friday, I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. By Sunday, I could not only get to the bathroom, but I could also walk upstairs (slowly) to sleep in my own bed (heaven!).

Kenlee is good at helping me rest ...
I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm also trying not to get my hopes up. The PA told me to follow up if things got worse, but I think I'm going to follow up even if things get better. I want a second opinion AND a clear plan for returning to activity ... the last thing I want is to injure myself all over again.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Indy Mini Recap

If I had to describe my experience at the Indy Mini in one word, it would be AWESOME.

If I had more words, I would say this:

I had a great race and felt good the entire time. I didn’t run fast, but I ran STRONG and had a ton of FUN. My only goal was to raise money for Riley Children’s Foundation and #Run4Bronson, and we did that! So mission: accomplished! 

Unfortunately, my BRF Kim didn’t feel well and halfway through the race, she told me she needed to drop out. So we parted ways after we kissed the bricks on the Indy 500 track … a few miles later, I got a text saying she was stubborn (and yes, a little stupid) and was going to finish. She did, barely, and lived to tell the tale.

From the expo to the finish line, this race was an excellent experience, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. For being one of the largest half marathons in the country, it’s exceptionally well run (I expected it to be much more chaotic). All along the course, you get plenty of energy and enthusiasm, and there’s a ton of aid stations and support. We liked it so much, Kyle is already registered for next year’s race! (I don’t think I’ll be ready for a spring half after I give birth this fall.)
Brittany (Bronson's mom) snapped this photo of me on my way to the finish (after I gave her and Cory big, sweaty hugs).

Running for a Reason

I gotta say, Running for a REASON and not for a TIME was a wonderful change of pace (pun intended). Though I started out this training cycle with the possibility of a PR on my mind, my priorities shifted when I found out I was pregnant. So, I went back to the WHY of my race. 

This was my first experience running for a charity, and I think the key was feeling connected to the cause... From the very beginning, my heart told me I needed to run in memory of Bronson and in honor of his family. I'm not gonna lie, it was nerve-wracking and tough to wait for the donations to come in, but it was completely worth the effort. 

During the race, it also helped to focus on why I was running and not how fast I was going. That day, I promised it would be a victory lap, and I would run with JOY. So, I did! I danced my way past the bands (at least the ones playing songs I liked), high-fived anyone with their hand out, stopped for selfies, and I made sure to keep smiling no matter what, even when I had to run the second half of the race alone. 

Brittany is an amazing woman - her big, open heart inspires me so much!
Running a Race with a Friend
Kim is still beating herself up about the race, but I think it was great considering the circumstances. Because when you run a race with someone else, you have to HAVE to be honest with each other or else you'll both be miserable. Sure, we didn't finish together, but we were both able to do what we needed. 

At the start, she knew I wanted to take it easy, and as we ran I let her know what pace felt good (because my pregnant pace is definitely slower than her normal half marathon pace). 

Around mile 5, I let her know I needed water, Gu and a pee break at the next pit stop. Little did I know, she needed the break just as badly ... she was completely honest and told me what was happening. She also begged me to go on without her, but I didn't want to do that right away. First of all, I wasn't running for time (see above). Second, I REALLY thought she would rally and be fine. 

After her second stop to attempt to puke, I realized her situation was serious. She looked like shit (sorry Kim, you did!), so I finally told her I would go on but she needed to stop the race or walk the rest of the way. She promised she'd find a med tent, so I hugged her and went on. The decision made both of us feel better ... I felt better knowing I wasn't dragging her along, and she felt better knowing she wasn't holding me back. 

We made the most of the situation, so I think we both deserve kudos for that. BOOM. 
Kim and I were all smiles at the starting line ... 
... But she was starting to fade when we entered the track.
Running a Half Marathon while Pregnant
When I was pregnant with Kenlee, I couldn't even WALK a mile without getting winded ... so I REALLY didn't know what to expect running a half marathon while pregnant. I knew from my long runs in the previous weeks that I was more than capable, but sometimes race day can throw everything off track (see Kim's story above). 

At the starting line, I felt good, but I was cautious. I knew I needed to do two things: take it easy and stay hydrated. I kept the pace comfortable, which for me was about 9:30-9:45/mile for the first few miles. I also decided to run with a handheld water bottle ... Normally, I run half marathons with my Camelbak, but I decided a handheld would force me to stop for refills and a little rest. 

That strategy paid off. My first stop was mile 5, where as I said above I also ate a Gu and used the port-a-potty to give my poor bladder some relief. Kim and I then took a few walk breaks around the track, which started near mile 6 and finished at nearly mile 9, (Yeah, it's way bigger in person than it is on TV!) and I ate another Gu and refilled my bottle before continuing on without her. I didn't stop again until mile 11, where I needed another pee break (dang fetus dancing on my bladder! Haha).

I felt strong and steady the rest of the way, finishing with a time of 2 hours, 22 minutes. I'm BEYOND happy with that time considering all the stops I had to make. (But still a little bitter my friend Scott beat me ... he hadn't run at all since MARCH! No fair!) Even better, my take-it-easy strategy paid off the next day, when I was the least sore I'd EVER felt after a half marathon. 

Fortunately/unfortunately, the Indy Mini was likely my first and last pregnant half marathon. Things just won't work out to do the local race in June, so my next chance for a nearby half marathon won't be until Labor Day weekend ... when I'll be 31 weeks versus of 14 weeks pregnant. At that point, I hope to still be running, but I doubt I'll be able to run that far. Soooo ... Yeah, I'm not getting my hopes up. 

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to stay healthy and happy because that's all that matters, right? This race was a great way to kick off the summer running season, so even though I don't plan on running any more half marathons this year, I do plan to find some more adventures.

When you're taking it easy, you have more time for selfies! Mario himself was on the racetrack. :) 

I wasn't missing my chance to kiss the bricks! 
Running with Gratitude
Once again, I want to thank everyone who donated to Riley Children's Hospital. I couldn't have done this race without your support!  

As a reminder, the #Run4Bronson page will stay active through the end of May. So if you still want to make a donation, click here:

Thursday, May 5, 2016

It's Time to #Run4Bronson

When I decided to #Run4Bronson and sign up for the Indy Mini, I was seriously nervous. More nervous than any other time I’ve signed up for a race, including my marathon.

Why? Because I was terrified of failure. I was confident I could run the race, but I had no idea if I could raise money. Trust me, it’s one thing to collect donations for a school or club fundraiser – it’s another thing to ask for donations in honor of a wonderful family and in memory of their child. My heart was telling me I was supposed to do this … but my brain told me I’d better not disappoint. 

When I finally launched the site, I was literally shaking. “What if no one donates?” I asked my husband. He was quick to assure me that wouldn’t happen. He was right. (Go ahead and take a screenshot of that last sentence, Kyle. Save it forever.)

Tons of people donated and gave so much more than I EVER expected. Our original goal was $500, but as of today we’ve raised $2,370!

NOTE: I save WE because there’s no way I could have done this alone. Sure, I started the campaign, but YOU GUYS made it a success. YOU gave, YOU cheered, YOU shared my endless selfies and hashtags. YOU gave other children and families hope for the future. So when I run on Saturday morning, I’ll be carrying all of you with me.

THANK YOU to everyone who’s donated (so far, at least … because you still have a chance to give):
  • Amy Baker 
  • Angela Mooberry 
  • Anonymous 
  • Bill and Jean Wise 
  • Brad and Lisa Warner 
  • Brancheau Family 
  • Bronson's mommy, daddy, and big brother 
  • Chris and Marcy Rosendaul 
  • Chrissy Herman 
  • Connie and Bill Brigle 
  • Danielle and Clayton Dulle 
  • Dennis and Pam Herman 
  • Diet Pepsi and Peanut Butter Footballs 
  • Don and Karrie Kimpel 
  • Ginger Mikolajczyk and family 
  • Gunner and Anna Carr 
  • Jan and Rebecca 
  • Jim and Torrie Saul 
  • John and Linda Hug 
  • Kathy Callahan 
  • Katrina Kaiser 
  • Kellie Dunson 
  • Kelly Werth 
  • Kim “I miss coffee” Truesdell 
  • Kreg and Trista Wehrle and boys 
  • Kristin Snyder 
  • Kyle, Kenlee and Rowdy 
  • Marcia and David Mohre 
  • Mary Mohre 
  • Meemaw and Papaw Sanders 
  • Norma Endersby 
  • O-H-I-O Go Bucks! 
  • Penny Wilson 
  • Scott and Holly Kimpel 
  • Stephanie and Dustin Carr 
  • Tena and Bill Sansom 
  • Theta Kappa Sorority 
  • Todd and Sandie Carlson 
  • Wyatt and Adrienne Peterson 
As many runners say, the race is just a victory lap for all of your training. Well on Saturday, we’re going to celebrate every mile. We have a HUGE victory to celebrate for Bronson, his family and the Riley Children’s Foundation, so we’re gonna be sure to live it up. Because it's time #Run4Bronson. It's time to celebrate hope.

P.S. As I said above, if you still want to give, you have plenty of time! I was JUST informed that the donation page will remain active through the end of May. I promise I won’t bug you with a thousand reminders between now and then, but it’s ready when you are:

Friday, April 15, 2016

FAQs from the First Trimester

I hate when bloggers make excuses for not blogging. Who cares?! It's your blog, you should do what you want, right?

Well, in this case, I feel like my excuse is cause for note. I've been too exhausted to write (beyond what I get paid to write at my job ... and even that effort has been questionable as I fight to stay awake at my desk). Why? Because I'm growing a freaking human! I'm pregnant. :)

Yes, baby No. 2 is due Oct. 31 - yes, Halloween! Since we spilled the beans, I've found myself answering a lot of the same questions. So I figured I'd just answer them here.

And then there were four ...

So ... you’re still running?
Yep! I’m seeing a practice of two doctors and two midwives who all believe in staying active as long as possible through pregnancy. They simply said, “Don’t become something you’re not.” Since I’m already a runner, I’ll keep running. But, since I’m not a body builder, I’m not going to start body building. Works for me!

How long can you keep running?
Like I said above, I’m encouraged to stay active as long as possible ... that could be the day I give birth! They said my body will tell me if/when I need to slow down/cut back/stop running. We'll see how it goes.

Are you still running the Indy Mini?
Of course! I’m just not going to run it as fast as I’d planned. When I started training, I was on a pretty aggressive plan though the Train Like a Mother Club (which is awesome, by the way). And I thought I could keep going … but at 8 weeks pregnant, the wheels fell off the bus and I couldn’t do the workouts. I’ve been doing my own modified version of the plan, taking out the speed work and cutting back on the long runs (just listening to my body, really). My ONLY goal for the race is to hit the $2,000 mark in my #Run4Bronson, which you can still donate to if you haven’t already!

Do you have any other races planned?
I’d like to run a local half marathon in June (just because I can't resist a starting line that's only 20 minutes from home), but I’m not sure if it will fit in my schedule/budget with other family stuff planned this summer. Other than that, I’ll do some local 5Ks and just see how it goes. One personal goal/motivation is to complete one of the races at Fort4Fitness, when I’ll be about 36 weeks pregnant. I might run the 10K, or I might walk the 4-miler. I’ll be happy to just keep moving.

How are you feeling? Any morning sickness?
It depends on the day … or the hour. I haven’t actually vomited (yet), but I’ve felt crappy on and off. Around 8 weeks, I felt like I had been hit by a truck (see above wheels falling off the bus reference …). I was exhausted and nauseous pretty much all the time. Things are improving though!

Did you get sick with Kenlee?
To be honest, I don’t remember. She’s going to be 5 in May, so it’s been quite a while since I was pregnant. The other thing to keep in mind is that I was more than 100 pounds heavier when I started that pregnancy, so my body (and its reactions) will likely be different this time around.

Is Kenlee excited?
Excited is an understatement – she is over the moon! She talks about being a big sister ALL THE TIME and asks a thousand questions about the baby. She loves to rub and kiss my belly, talk and sing to the baby, and even try to tickle it (she doesn’t quite understand that she’s only tickling me!).

Can you still do Weight Watchers?
No. I had to cancel my membership for now, but I can start back up again when I’m not pregnant. I’ve tried to keep my same healthy habits, but sometimes I’m repulsed by the foods I would normally enjoy … And yes, I know gaining weight is normal (thanks for the reminder ...). It's hard/weird to accept my body changing, but I'm doing my best to accept it. 

Will you find out if you’re having a boy or girl?
YES! There’s just NO WAY we could wait till birth. We plan to bring Kenlee to our big ultrasound in June, so we can all find out together. We'll let you know when we know! 

Sunday, February 28, 2016

My No. 1 Piece of Advice for Disney World

If you go to Disney World, you have a lot of choices: resorts, parks, attractions, restaurants ... And, everything changes so quickly, you'll never see it all. BUT there is a way to ensure you see more than the average guest. How? It's simple: Wake up early. 

Now, you may be thinking, "I'm not a morning person, especially on vacation." Well, guess what?! Most people would agree with you. Which is EXACTLY why the morning is the best time to get to the parks. The crowds are lower, which means the lines are shorter. You could fit in more attractions before lunch than the average guest will fit in all day! Seriously.

In the Disney fan community, this strategy is called "rope drop." Here's how to do it:
  1. Depart for your chosen park at least one hour to 90 minutes prior to opening. This might seem insane, but you really do need that much time to drive/park or wait for Disney transportation, then get through bag check/security. 
  2. Line up at the gates. Cast members will usually start letting guests scan their MagicBands and head inside about 30 minutes before the official opening time (depending on the park/day ... during peak times, they might even let you in earlier). 
  3. Wait at the rope. In most cases, you'll be allowed to walk partway inside the park before you get stopped behind a rope or line of cast members. At the official park opening time (sometimes a few minutes earlier), they'll drop this rope or tell you to follow them further inside, hence the term "rope drop."
  4. Head to a headliner. Pick a popular attraction and head straight there for the lowest wait times of the day. Depending on what time you arrived, you could be first in line! Be sure to look at a map in advance so you're in the right spot and don't have to ask for directions. 
  5. Do as much as you can. Ride the adrenaline high and ride as many attractions as you can before lunch. Depending on the park/day, you might even schedule a few FastPasses for later in the morning as the crowds build. 
  6. Eat lunch and head back for a nap. No matter how old you and your children are, naps are extremely beneficial on a Disney vacation, especially if you're waking up for rope drop. Even if you don't fall asleep, a break will give you a chance to get out of the sun and crowds for a while. Then you can head back in the evening, refreshed and ready to see more. 
As an example, here's how rope drop paid off for us on our first day at the Magic Kingdom. 
  • The park was scheduled to open at 8 a.m., so we woke Kenlee up at 6 a.m. and got to our resort bus stop by 6:30 a.m. We got lucky - a bus was there in just a few minutes and we were the only people on it! 
  • We arrived at the Magic Kingdom and got through bag check. Surprisingly, we were NOT the first people there! But the crowd was small enough that we took a few pictures in front of the train station and let Kenlee play some hopscotch on the bricks before lining up. 
Bright and early at the Magic Kingdom!
  • After scanning our MagicBands, we headed straight for the rope to the left side of the train station. We didn't have the best view of the Welcome Show, but we could still see it and enjoy. 
  • As the characters counted down, I picked up Kenlee and Kyle was ready to follow me, pushing the stroller. (If we put her in the stroller she wouldn't have been able to see much of Main Street in the crowd.)
Excited to head down Main Street!
  • We did our best Black Friday speed walk toward Princess Fairy Tale Hall, which is where you can meet Anna and Elsa. This character meet is the most popular in all of Disney World, so we weren't lucky enough to secure FastPasses in advance. This was likely our only chance to see the Frozen sisters without a minimum one-hour wait. 
  • Despite taking a wrong turn in front of the castle instead of walking behind the castle (study those maps!), we were the FIFTH party in line to meet Anna and Elsa! Woohoo! 
Rope Drop ... WORTH IT!
  • After Kenlee met her ALL-TIME FAVORITE characters, we did the all of the following attractions before lunch at 11 a.m.: 
    1. Dumbo
    2. Barnstormer
    3. Under the Sea: Journey of the Little Mermaid
    4. Jungle Cruise
    5. Magic Carpets of Aladdin
    6. Pirates of the Caribbean
    7. Splash Mountain
    8. Big Thunder Mountain (this was our first FastPass).
I should note that this is a LOT of attractions in just a few hours - some people don't do that many in an entire day. AND, it the crowds were a 10 out of 10 at the Magic Kingdom that day. Boo-ya!

I'll admit, this sort of park touring is not for the faint of heart. If you can't handle Black Friday, you won't be a fan of rope drop. It's not violent, I promise, but it is a bit ... intense ... at least for your walk to the first attraction. After that, it's smooth sailing for an hour or two when the rest of the crowds will start arriving. 

If you don't do rope drop, know this: showing up two hours after park opening and complaining about the crowds is just like showing up two hours into a Black Friday sale and complaining that all the flat screens are gone. Sorry! The early birds get the worm (and the shortest lines). 

NOTE: If you're not sure which attractions you should visit in the morning, the TouringPlans website and app can help you! You sign up for a subscription ($12.95 for one year, plus you can find discount codes online), then you can enter your trip details and select which attractions you want to see. Based on their database of wait times and other information, the system will give you a custom plan for park touring. It will even suggest which FastPasses you should select, allow you to incorporate meals/breaks into your schedule and so much more. It's a great tool!

Because I didn't know what to expect, I made touring plans for each of our park visits but remained flexible. They were more of a guide than a schedule. But without them, I know we would have wasted time wandering around, trying to decide what we should see/do next. 

Also, I should mention Kyle and I appreciated our nap times just as much as Kenlee! We didn't always fall asleep, but sometimes we needed to! When we went back in the parks, we were re-energized while everyone else was getting cranky from being out all day. (OK, sometimes we were cranky, too, but not as much as we would have been!)

So to repeat my No. 1 piece of advice: You might not be a morning person on a regular vacation, but you should be at Disney World! Rope drop is definitely the way to go if you want to see/do as much as possible AND have time to rest.